Let's Talk, Mom Rants

When Your Pants Say Yoga, but the Contents Say Bacon

OK, for real though.  Can anyone wear yoga pants OR even worse LEGGINGS? Whoever said the quote: “She looks bad in yoga pants, says no man ever”, is SERIOUSLY disturbed!

I mean I am by no means skinny, but I am not overweight, but there are certain things I would NOT and could not wear.  Trust me, I know when I see myself in the mirror!  Do you women really have that much confidence in yourself?  Confidence or no confidence, if I see cottage cheese, and yes I am referring to myself, I could NEVER advertise that in public to anyone!  Super EMBARRASING!

Yoga Pants & Leggings FAIL

First Of all Leggings are meant to be worn a certain way, NOT as pants!  If they were pants they would be called PANTS for Christ sake!  If your going to rock those leggings, by all means ROCK THEM ON, but cover your TAIL, PLEASE!!!!

1.) If I can see that Lips tattoo on your ass, your leggings are TOO TIGHT!

2.) White leggings are a NO NO, If I can see your hot pink thongs under your leggings we have an issue!

3.) Leggings are meant to be worn with long shirts and dresses, not belly shirts or shirts that make you look like your wearing your 4th grader child’s shirt!

4.) When you bend over to stretch during your yoga lesson, and your “Crack Kills” tattoo is showing, ALONG with the CRACK OF YOUR ASS, again we have an issue!

5.) If your Yoga pants are so tight and your vajayjay is looking like your cheeks on the back side, and the ancestor to a camel, THEY ARE TOO TIGHT!

6.) Want to go to Walmart in Yoga pants?  Awesome I do too, BUT look in the mirror first and make WISE decision’s.  If you are second guessing them, TRUST ME, others will too!

7.) If your daughter has to ask you why you are TRYING to fit into her leggings, they are NOT for you!  Momma go buy your own, IN THE WOMANS DEPARTMENT!

8.) If you find yourself constantly digging in your butt to get that irritating wedgie out!  The pants are TOO SMALL! Yoga pants are to be wore as athletic attire,  comfortable so you can move freely while doing your yoga poses, not so you can make a new yoga move called the “Wedgie Digger Pose”

9.) If you have a pair of cat leggings, NOONE wants to see a picture of the cat at your whoHaw!  Wear a longer shirt!

10.) If you have a pair of those leggings that show all of the muscles in the body, Save them for the gym! Nobody wants to see those on you in heels at the club Girl, that’s just creepy!

 

So when you are deciding what to wear, and you consider leggings or yoga pants.  Double, even triple check yourself before settling on your outfit. Please help us ALL out,  and save our eyes!  Save your goodies, your hot pink thongs, your lips tattoo, your “crack kills” tattoo, and whatever else you have that you are TRYING to hide under there for your husband or significant other!  WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE IT!  There are ways to look cute, feel pretty, and look descent without showing us the golden jewels that make us female the most searched creature on this earth!  Until next time my friends.  Stay covered, stay smart, and keep it classy!

Yours Truly,

Heather Gantt

 

 

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3 thoughts on “When Your Pants Say Yoga, but the Contents Say Bacon

  1. Yes I am that confident, thanks. Kiss my cellulite-y yoga pants wearing fat ass.

    1. I am absolutely 100 percent there with you, I am a thick girl, with thick thighs and a thick butt! Jeans do not properly fit me well because of my thighs and butt. Yoga pants are my BEST FRIEND, but we all know what colors we personally can wear and how to pull them off! White pants for me would be a huge mistake because of the cellulite that mother nature has so graciously gifted me with! Rock them on!

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